A year's difference

At the end of every year I find myself reflecting on what has transpired. What a difference a year makes is what I usually find myself saying. This year is no different. However, today I found that the day brought some unusually reflective moments.

My son left to see his Maker's face 2 1/2 years ago. But, today my thoughts were filled with memories of him. I think of him often, but today his aura was almost with me again. I don't know how that happens, nor do I know how to explain it. There was no sadness from his aura, just a feeling of subtle pleasure. Most days, I miss him so much that I ache in my soul. But that was not today's feeling. In his case I guess I am getting better by the year in getting along without his being present in life's events.

Of course , there was the relief that my daughter had only dysplasia rather than cancer. A year ago, I wasn't as thankful as I am now that I have my daughter with me. Guaranteed that that feeling has changed.

The job I go to every day was a hope within my chest last year at this time. Now, I enjoy the palace intrigue on a daily basis. It gave me a sense of accomplishment that otherwise would not have been felt.

So the difference in this year and last has been a good one. And so, I thank the creator of those differences.

Till I catch up

His glasses many times sat on the table next to his chair or on his lap in the evening hours as he relaxed. He slouched in his later years while he sat in his chair, but that was probably from so many years of long hours of work. He spoke encouragingly usually. And he always thanked me for coming to see him after I was grown and married. I admired his people skills and his slow pace of getting things done, but done right. This is year number 3 without dad. I miss his encouragement and kindness, his patience and wisdom about people. But, I thank my other dad for his safekeeping until I catch up to hm.

Definitely spurious

I was doing a little translating work today in 2nd Thessalonians. I have been doing this for about 3 weeks now. The first week I was translating chapter 1. When I finished, I thought, "This content and tone are so different from 1st Thessalonians that it doesn't seem to be Paul writing this. It is too radically different." After translating chapter 2, I told my wife, "I don't think Paul wrote this letter. The content seems to match a slightly different time period." I told the same thing to a Bible class teacher. His comment was that he never had heard of Paul not writing that book.

Then I found the smoking gun in chapter 3. What I thought from the beginning came clear. It has to be a spurious letter addressed to groups of "orthodox" Christians warning them against the teachings of the gnostic groups. The same word meaning "we instruct you" appeared 4 times within a few running verses. Paul never did that. He was educated enough to vary his wording even when he felt strongly about a matter as he did in Galatians and in the two Timothy letters. But the crowning blow came when unique words started popping up. What are the chances in a small, 3-chapter letter that in the last chapter a word would surface that was unique in all 27 books of the New Testament (and all 66 books of the Old Testament [Septuagint])? What are the chances that a second word, unrelated in form, would surface? I was ready to declare spurious authorship at this point. But what are the chances that a third word would pop up...? 3 unique words in a matter of a few verses. One of the words was used as a variant in a Leviticus passage. And guess what manuscript tradition supported that variant? Right, Syrian and Alexandrian. The two gnostic capitals of the world. That was my smoking gun.

When at the end I had to translate, "I, Paul write this greeting with my own hand," it sounded too bogus. Sure enough, Paul did say the same in Colossians at the end, which some scholars are quick to point out that Paul did not write and in 1st Corinthians. As if someone was trying too hard to make 2nd Thessalonians authentic, he added, "which is my distinguishing mark in all my letters." Of course, that phrase doesn't appear in any of Paul's letters either.

So, "another one bites the dust" in the words of an old rock and roll song. This would be earth shattering to me if I had not already dealt with spurious books a long time ago in trying to figure out something about God's inspiration of writers of the Bible. But, now it just goes right along with God using people as they are, customs as they are, and time lapse as it is. But, I am glad to be able to classify 2nd Thessalonians in the spurious category.

The 2-day Xmas

What is the meaning of Christmas? Now that answer has been distilled into common wisdom of society because it's been around so long. But, now what is the meaning of the day after Christmas. Back to work for some, but not many. Out to more shops to spend Xmas cash. That works for about half of the US. Consumer-oriented culture we are as a nation. I am surprised that we don't have a 2-day Xmas—1 for giving, 1 for buying. It's almost that way already. When about 3/4 of the nation hits the stores after Xmas, the people will have spoken, and we will have a de facto 2-day Xmas. Such are the days of the American people.

I don't know. It will probably be a good thing. People deserve to go shop with those they love if they are with them, and those who are not with their families or friends deserve to go buy something to remind themselves that somebody loves them. And I don't think there's any question about a gift representing love. So, I say go for it America. Get the 2-day Christmas you want and are working hard to get.

Yes, go and die

Ahab had a dilemma. His 400 prophets told him to go fight. Micaiah, a lone prophet, told him he would get killed if he did fight. Micaiah told Ahab that he had seen a scene in heaven in which God had asked his heavenly host if any of them would go tell Ahab to go fight. One of the spirits said he would do it through having false prophets tell Ahab to do so. Of course, Micaiah was disliked and detained until his prophecy came true, which wasn't for long. Ahab died in battle soon after.

A school board member said he wanted to take on atheists in battle. He listened to many voices that said, "Yes, go fight and we'll back you with a book purporting to have truth in it." Some lone voices warned against that move and charted a different track. Alas, the lone voices were ignored and the battle is about to be fought, and the board member will probably meet Ahab's fate.

Learning to listen to voices who have a record for spiritual discernment is the better part of wisdom even if the voices are the minority. It's a sad refrain of history that people don't learn from written examples that stare them in the face. (Second Chronicles 18)

God have mercy

I have cried out tonight. Why would my daughter of 17 years have to have a biopsy after having seen it done to her brother only 3 1/2 years earlier?! I shout "NO!" to the heavens hoping that the Maker or life hears and acts. And I sadly question, "How could a body of Christians miss a clear and evident sign that God delivered the enemy into their hands?" Both events come within 24 hours of each other. Both leave me emotionally drained. Both leave me shaking my head. Both leave me bowing once again in the face of forces unseen, in the face of forces I don't control, in the face of forces that drive me to a blind trust. God have mercy.

Fog is temporary

Roads were foggy tonight. Sometimes my vision in life is too. I can navigate, don't get me wrong. But, details of landscape illude me. The thing about the Maker of the fog is that he lifts the fog. It doesn't linger forever. Of course, that's what I need in my vision in life, too, a lifting of the fog. If it happens, I know who did it.

Trusting an inkling

Life is so fickle. I was reminded by that because this morning I left for work in heavy snow. It was an inch deep when I left. By late afternoon, about 30 minutes before the sun was to set, streets were completely clear. There was no sign of snow on buildings or on the landscape. The weather changed completely in 8 hours. Life smiles on us one minute and frowns the next. We are exhilirated by life for a weekend and trounced by it the next weekend. Events seem favorable for a season and difficult to navigate the next. There's not really a trajectory line for predicting life.

Why is that way? I take it that the Creator of the universe knows. It is not apparent to earth's mortals. I hope with my being that the little inkling we mortals have of the supernatural as found in our sacred books is true. A creator exists and has patchworked our lives into a bigger picture. I trust that small hint given us in our records from old. I have to say that I trust it. Otherwise, life is abyssmal. The roller coaster ride makes no sense - it merely is what it is. I cry from my innermost being if there is no creator. I have to believe the words that were left by one purported to have come from the other side of our mortal existence, "I am going to prepare a place for you... if it were not true, I would have told you."

Soul soothing

A note to the Pobble: Thank you for your thoughtful words. I have been to the park and mentioned you by name in my walks. I'll continue till I hear from you again.

Tonight I was about to lose my evening energy when my daughter's boyfriend took up the guitar to play. It soothed my soul. Then my daughter played my son's recorded music. That was special because he has changed residences and cannot play on this earth any more. That soothed my soul. Both of those incidents reminded me of a dream I had last Saturday morning that was about what happens between the time a person gives up his life on earth and begins the journey to the next world. That thought soothed my soul again. And then I sat to type the blog for the evening and to thank the Pobble for being kind with her comments. How soothing. I think I will rest easy tonight, engulfed with twilight thoughts of peaceful reflection.

Thanks

Once in a while events just turn out right. It seems to me that for every event that does turn out right, there were at least 10 events before it that didn't. By the time the event that turns out right happens, it feels as though I deserve it. Perhaps, appreciation is the response I should have. The 11th event didn't have to turn out right, after all. On rare occasions, I experience 2 right events in a row. Wow! That really deserves double appreciation. Instead, I tend to start thinking I can control my destiny.

Well, now that I have seen my tendency as I have reflected on it, maybe I will be appreciative in the future instead of arrogant. Maybe I will say, "Thank you," instead of saying, "Well it's about time."

Far from the truth

I listened to a person tell me today that life had not really worked out like she thought from when she was in her 20s until now (she is in her 50s). She expressed that she had no regrets about how things had turned out, but that her 20s picture of life had been quite different from the way life had actually twisted and turned.

It's probably true for all of us. I know that I had a really, really different picture of what I as a 20-year-old wanted life to be. Plus, a person at 20 thinks that he or she can control one's destiny for the most part. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. I had no idea my wife and mother would never, ever get along well. I did try to control that on two occasions. I didn't know that I would have only 19 years with my son. His disease was genetically controlled and I never had a chance to control the disease. I didn't know that my wife would have a disease that disabled her for at least a decade of her life. She is only now slowly returning to normal. I definitely tried to control her disease without a wit's worth of success. I didn't know my daughter would go into a tail spin after her brother died and end up on depression medicine and with a diagnosis of bipolarism. She is working through this stage of her life rather perilously. I could only watch and react throughout her experimentation and experiences.

Once a person becomes an adult, life just takes off with seemingly no direction. All I can do is bow in the face of death, bow in the face of disease, bow in the face of another person's experiences. I have great appreciation for people in their 50s because I know that they have seen life's various facets. They have learned to simply live through tough times. People in their 50s are not so arrogant because of life's roller coaster ride. So, I finally bow in the presence of the Maker of life's events, truting that life's big picture makes sense to him and is somehow keeping me on the path that leads home to him.

Results over time

The park I walk in has been cold to walk in this past week. It took monumental gymnastics of the mind to want to walk there in 10 degree air. But the walk is always worth it. No matter if it is 10 degrees or 100 degrees, I always meet the maker there, and we talk. He listens to rather rambling thoughts at times, but he's there to listen in the cold air. Somehow, those talks are productive. I have never been able to articulate why the Creator would listen to a human's thoughts nor if there are right and wrong prayers. Or even what prayer is exactly. I just know that I see the results of prayer over time. Sometimes, the result is merely the more subdued character of an obnoxious person who has finally uttered "Your will be done," until the obnoxiousness has left the person. Sometimes it is the fulfillment of a request. Sometimes, it is the lifeless spirit of a person that revives after a year of conversations with the Maker of life.

So, I will get up tomorrow morning, no matter what the air temperature is, and walk and converse with the one who made the stars that shine so brightly in the early morning hours because even though I cannot articulate what happens, as a result of that time I have observed what happens over time.

Genetic Mercy

My grandmother turned 99 last Monday. I can only dream of making it that far. I asked her if she had a secret to her longevity. She simply said, "No." I was hoping for more. In reality I know it has everything to do with genes. She hasn't had an easy life. So that can't be it. She has made the journey with God. But, others who have been Godly have not fared so well as she. If I make it to 99, I'll probably not have longevity figured out either and just answer, "No," if asked about my secret. I guess there is not any difference between us and Eve who ate from the tree in the middle of the garden, who also wanted to live forever (if that's what the tree of life stands for). May the one who engineers 99-year-old genes have mercy on my grandmother's soul. May the one who engineers 19-year-old genes be thanked for the safekeeping of my son. And may the one who engineers every set of genes have mercy on all.