A few, short steps

The Longest Yard was a movie about some prisoners who wanted (and needed) to beat the guards in a game of football. Whether they would win or lose came down to scoring a two point conversion from the three-yard line. But it was the last one yard of the three that became the longest yard.

I think in life we have challenges that make us what we are. We constantly make lemonade from lemons because we don't control all of the factors of the environment around us. But there is always that longest yard. It is the one thing in life we desire (and need) the most. Out of all the tall mountains we are given or forced to climb, there's always that tallest mountain. And the last 36 inches of getting to the top are the hardest.

Our feet are an average 10 inches long. If we could just make 3 1/2 steps... to happiness.

Bucket cards

In talking with my sister the other night, the now famous bucket list was brought up. We mentioned a few places that we would like to go. I am excited because most of them could easily become reality. Nothing on the bucket list is in Africa although I would like to see the island of Madagascar someday. That is on my wish list, but not my bucket list. Once 2012 begins, I think I will go to work on the cards in the bucket. I don't know exactly where I will start; it depends on whether I travel alone or with my sister and her husband. But, there are enough cards in the bucket that one will fit the occasion.

Reality

I remember when the show Truman came out. People watched it and said that would never happen, or that if it ever happened, then the world would be too Big Brotherish to live in and they would just as soon move to another country. That was in 1998.

Little did anyone know that the advent of reality TV was not but 3 years away. Of course, it started subtly. Survivor was one of the first hugely successful reality shows. Then came others. Now watching Jersey Shore or some equivalent is very close to Truman. No one even flinches to watch it, much less leave the country. In fact, among people under 40, reality shows are preferred to other types of programming like drama during the day especially, but also during late prime time.

Of course, reality TV is still in its childhood, so the more mature reality programming that will show up in about 10 more years is going to be every bit as inviting to the under 40 crowd of that day as reality is now to the same crowd. And if you were to go just 10 years before Truman, then Americans would have not even known the term "reality TV."

Americans in the 1700s never even experienced TV. Their reality was experiential - and long and drawn out. Americans of 2100 will probably be just the opposite. Their reality will be virtual - and short episodes of many visuals. I'm in one of the transition ages, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else except in 2100. I would love it.

In space there is no up or down

Success is good, but it is so short-lived. Failure is probably good although it doesn't feel that way. It shows where the weak spots are. The funny thing about that is that every situation is unique, so the failure just insures that if the same situation were to happen, it would be better because we presumably learn from our mistakes. But, very rarely does the same situation happen twice. So, we make mistakes time and again.

There are a number of sayings about failure. Ben Franklin is said to have penned, "I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." Stephen Kaqqua wrote, "Try and fail, but don't fail to try." Colin Powell said, "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure."

It is true, though, that failure teaches us. In both our efforts put into a situation and our reaction to the results of our efforts, we learn about our personalities, our limitations, our desires, and our need to try again for success. And it this latter, our need for success, combined with the short-lived nature of success that keeps us pedaling forward, not becoming complacent. So, failure and success really have the same outcome. Maybe we don't need the two words since they have the same effect. The only difference in the two words is the way we feel. One feels good, one feels awful. Even the feelings can be harnessed, though. So, we should just have one word for the outcome of efforts.

Stonehenge reminders

I watched a documentary about Stonehenge last week. It was probably the 5th special I've watched on the subject. Archaeologists don't really know what to make of the megalithic monument. They have finally excavated enough of it to know how it was made, the stages it took to construct it, and the whereabouts of the stones used. But, I have yet to hear an explanation that definitively tells how it fit into those ancient people's daily lives. It's not a mistake that the lintels of the largest stones align with the summer and winter solstices. But, a whole monument taking years to build would not simply be a meter to read the shortest and longest day of the year by. This last special on TV tried very hard to link the monument to daily activity, but it failed in that the people who lived close by did not live close enough to include it daily - only on special days. There was no evidence shown for daily activity, so the archaeologists were hesitant to go where the evidence did not lead them. That's good science, but not good as an explanation for why the monument was built. So, I await the next special that National Geographic might put out in a couple of more years.



The monument is a good reminder of at least two seeming truths about life however. Some of what people see is transparent, but much of what people see has to have evidence that would lead them to understand it.

Love a language challenge

It's not everyday that I meet someone with dysgraphia. But, it's so obvious when I see it. I love a challenge. I'll get to do a little linguistic work. Trouble is that dysgraphia in high schoolers is not something easily fixed. It definitely allows me to see the truth of the Critical Learning Window hypothesis. That hypothesis states that if someone misses a window of learning something during which nearly all people learn that something, then (s)he will not be able to learn it or not learn it fluently.

Expression of thought has such a window. The norm for people to pass through this window is from ages 8-10. If the three year window is missed, the person has a problem that can't really be fixed. The person learns to compensate for it, but (s)he'll never be fluent. Right now, the challenge is with someone who hasn't even learned to compensate even a little.

But, I love the challenge. The first order of business is to work on the easy part of the fix. That would be the representation of the middle syllable of three syllable words. "Beging" for "beginning" and "creted" for "created" are two examples. The larger problem of representing the whole thought in written words rather than missing thoughts represented by no written words will come second. It's hard knowing that the individual never will really be able to express himself proficiently in writing. But, I will offer some compensation skills.

Of course, the beauty of the time in which this young person lives is that writing will have less and less importance over the next ten years. Thus, one of the strategies is to beef up oral presentation skills that merely reference periodic writing or iconic writing.

No better, no worse

Sometimes I like to listen to songs that just have the same rhythm and beat that last for a good long thinking time. It allows my mind to travel wherever it wants. Occasionally, I listen to it and affirm the thoughts one at a time from an earlier thinking time.

A lot of times I will select the Phil Collins song Take Me Home. It's been around a long time and I never tire of its rhythm and beat. The words and drum beat are repetitive, but that is what my mind depends on to let it wander from thought to thought.

I have to go down paths I never wanted and tried hard to prevent, but life doesn't work like that - for anybody.

Take that look of worry, mine's an ordinary life,
Working when it's daylight and
Sleeping when it's night.

My very good friend from high school called today. We hadn't spoken in a long time, so we talked for quite a while. His life... well, I'm sure he didn't want it and tried to prevent it. He has two children that delight him, but beyond that he has really had it hard. We played basketball side by side in every game, every practice. Who would have guessed.

Take that look of worry I'm an ordinary man,
They don't tell me nothing,
So I find out what I can.

Recently, I found out that a colleague I had worked with for a little while developed cancer for the second time and in a stage way past early detection. She had already fought the battle of raising three sons by herself and been away from her family working. I am certain she tried to prevent the cancer's recurrence. She seemed focused and pleasant when we worked together. Who would have known she was just a short span of time away from her body being ravaged a second time.

Seems so long I've been waiting
Still I don't know what for
There's no point escaping
I don't worry anymore

Not long ago I found out that a friend of mine whom I had not seen in about 3 years had been taking treatments for prostate cancer and had developed dementia. The dementia has improved, but the cancer has been with him two years. He was a good friend for me because he always made me think, countering my thoughts with examples I had not thought of. He brought homemade bread to me a number of times during my son's extended illness. Who could have seen what time had in store for him.

So take me home...
Oh, I don't mind,
No, I don't mind.

I have a cousin that I get to see whenever I go to my lake place. He is raising 3 children, his grandchildren. His adopted daughter who had them has herself been down dark paths and lost the ability to raise children. So, my cousin is raising a second family. No, he didn't want to do that. It wasn't what he had in mind for his life when he was 25. Who could have told him the second half of his life would mirror the first part.

So, the extreme high of two years ago in my life that has meteorically dropped to the other extreme makes me know that I am ordinary, and that I have to find warmth from the fires that burn everywhere around me even if they scald and sear.

There's a fire that's been burning
right outside my door
I can't see, but I feel it
And it helps to keep me warm.

So, I am thankful for the warmth provided as a buffer against the cold all around it.

A matter of 60 seconds

The rays of the sun invaded the peace of the dusk - but not for long. The dark crept ever-progressively toward the horizon, swallowing the beams of the rays. It was just right for the pensive mood I was in. The day had been easy enough, fortunately, but the evening was striking a different tenor than the day.

My mind was considering the past, present, and future simultaneously. It entertained the conversation that I had had with my mother last night. She had told me that my learning had changed me for the worst (and other things). Then it moved to the present, thinking of the work I have at hand in order to get things in order for a better second half of the year than the first. Finally, it slid into the frames that were fuzzy. Events or matters that have not happened yet are out of focus for me. I hope, but the pictures are not there. All of this in just a matter of 60 seconds. The mind is fast.

Then the outside picture of the rays being consumed by night overtaking the day returned to my consciousness. Slumber will come soon, then the matters that appeared to me for just about 20 seconds as I planned my day will be enacted when I rise. But I'll be ready. And tomorrow, I will have another 60 second frame just like this one, setting the tone for the evening. The remembered conversation will be from someone else; the work at hand will fade into some other project; and the blurry picture will change outlines.

That's how time passes.

A wrestling scene

Hello Darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again

I have played this song so many times since it came out on the radio that I can't count them. Through the years I have had a number of moments in which I have had running conversations in my head, sometimes out loud, about a circumstance I have found myself in. Sometimes, I am angry, sometimes discouraged, sometimes befuddled. So again tonight... Hello darkness, my old friend...

Because a vision softly creeping
Left its scenes while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains within the sound of silence.

The vision is usually of the circumstance that has happened. It always makes me restless. Many times, it disrupts my sleep. I have to wrestle with it to get resolution. The scenes I wrestle with usually recur over several days while I fight with it. And the whole battle is inside my head - within the sound of slience.

In restless streets I walked alone
Narrow streets of Cobblestone...

I don't know that I ever reconcile in my mind the reaction I have had to the circumstance with the thoughts that finally allow me to walk away from it. I just have to return to life putting one foot in front of the other.

But it's always true that

Silence like a cancer grows...

Sooner or later, I guess, I'll get the big picture. I think I have it. Time will tell. But it's time that gets my mind to thinking of all the possible scenarios. One of the scenarios will contain the truth. And I'm not always better because the truth comes out. But, at least I know the truth, and it helps in not making mistakes that cost me emotionally.

Just that little note

What a fine day. 104 degrees sizzled outside. Watering restrictions apply so the grass is so yellow green it looks putrid. Cars are hot to the touch when you sit in them. Steering wheels take 5 minutes to cool down. The work load is experiencing the calm before the storm.

But the day wasn't a downer. It had a note of anticipation to it. Just that little note changed its tenor from hot and dismal to one that makes you gaze out the window - hoping.

What's in the stream?

Where the Day Takes You was a movie from about 15 years ago. It was about teenagers and their escapades as they began a drug habit. The movie was very much in the stream of consciousness style. These young men and women just moved from one place to another smoking marijuana and then taking harder drugs. It was a good commentary for the way the drug habit is formed and progresses to more serious drug taking. The terrible toll it took on the teens was the main message and an effective one at that.

I used to think that one of the messages of the movie, that of not taking control of a day, worked against a person, so that aimlessness was the result. As it turns out, no one really has control of a day. Sometimes it goes as planned, but more often than not, it doesn't. It is my reaction to the day that makes or breaks the day. So, many times, I just let the day take me somewhere. Sometimes, I work a plan, and occasionally it turns out according to that plan. But, most days...

If I look back, I know where my very happiest days were. Living in the moments of those days was easy; I was high on life like I never have been. I know retracing steps is not where a day takes a person. But, if days like that are anywhere close to where my future days would take me... What I wouldn't give!