Black hole

Dusk appeared outside. But, the night that it announced wouldn't be cozy. In fact, it would lead to the worst nightfall one can experience. Even one's own death could not be worse.

I don't even remember how or why I came home. Habit I suppose. I was numb after having wrung every emotional ounce of tears onto the hospital floor just 3 hours before. Since 7:00 I had been alone. I wish I could think of what pulsed through my mind. That's a blackness. I had uttered words based on what a nurse had done for physical comfort months ago. She repeated the soothing refrain, "Think of a blue room. What you love is in the middle of the room. It's so pleasant." I never rehearsed what I would say at the appointed time because I didn't want to be a non-believer in the awsome power of the Healer. But, at the appointed time my lips moved with sound, "Think of a white room. Think of a throne in the center. Think of the golden crown you are wearing." I never made it past that point in speaking. I just repeated the three-phrase utterance.






In my blackness, I hope I recounted every good memory, every word of love given out. I do know that I knew why I was alone. The reason was a demon all its own. It only added to the blackness. Somewhere around midnight, figuratively and literally, and very real on either level, I slept. As did someone I loved. But, I would wake again. The one I loved did too, just not in the world he left behind the evening before.