Impotence is the word that comes to mind. Even after a year. The event is so unbelievable that you just find yourself shaking your head, replaying parts of the trauma as if to savor it and dismiss it at the same time. You wish you could just get control of the movie and end it before it got so bad. But, there is no control—absolutely no control. The scene is over. It cannot be reperformed. It is final. There is no control—absolutely no control.
For 2 years after the event, I still listened to songs to heal the deeply cut wound in my heart. The songs were salve to the wound. I felt better after listening to them. But I wanted what could not be granted. I wanted to have no death in the family. I wanted it so badly, I felt that my desire alone could control going back in time and changing the matter. What if I had been able to take him to the doctor earlier. What if I had gotten stronger medicine earlier or investigated the experimental or homeopathic options earlier. What if... What if... But there was no control—absolutely no control over the past.
The Creator had visited my life, and it was a Jacob's ladder experience. I had wrestled for a year and two months side by side with my son. I was tired, yet optimistic that He would heal. The very last day was still a day of hope when it began. But the Creator visited. His word was that I had no control. That was the most impotent moment in life.
I have not really railed against the Creator of life asking, "Why?" I don't get answers from Him that way. So, I lean on the evidence of what can't be seen. I attach the greatest importance to the words of the Creator's words through the Son of Man.
You have trusted God. Now trust me. In my father's compound are many, many dwellings. IF IT WERE NOT SO, I WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU... I will come again and take you to be with me so that you, too, can be where I am.
I also found the basic "location" in which the greatest faith trees are planted. It was in the words of the song by Matthew West, "My Finest Hour."
The king of contradictions strikes again.
You said the last to cross the finish line will win.
The beggars will be millionaires someday.
And the humble ones are going to have their say.
Well, all my friends are gone now,
And all my money's gone now,
And all my pride is gone now,
And if what you say is true now—
This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
Well, everything is opposite down here.
The strong survive and the rest just disappear.
Ah, but your philosophy is more unique.
You say I'll be stronger when I'm weak.
And this will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
It's 2 AM and sleepless,
How wide awake and restless.
I don't know what my deal is.
I've never felt so helpless.
O-h-h-h-h... I need you more than ever.
No, I don't understand it,
I don't think I'll ever comprehend it.
It's so hard to conceive it.
So, I guess I'll just believe it.
This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
So, I live life now in one hour increments—the "finest hour" increment because I have no control—absolutely no control.
For 2 years after the event, I still listened to songs to heal the deeply cut wound in my heart. The songs were salve to the wound. I felt better after listening to them. But I wanted what could not be granted. I wanted to have no death in the family. I wanted it so badly, I felt that my desire alone could control going back in time and changing the matter. What if I had been able to take him to the doctor earlier. What if I had gotten stronger medicine earlier or investigated the experimental or homeopathic options earlier. What if... What if... But there was no control—absolutely no control over the past.
The Creator had visited my life, and it was a Jacob's ladder experience. I had wrestled for a year and two months side by side with my son. I was tired, yet optimistic that He would heal. The very last day was still a day of hope when it began. But the Creator visited. His word was that I had no control. That was the most impotent moment in life.
I have not really railed against the Creator of life asking, "Why?" I don't get answers from Him that way. So, I lean on the evidence of what can't be seen. I attach the greatest importance to the words of the Creator's words through the Son of Man.
You have trusted God. Now trust me. In my father's compound are many, many dwellings. IF IT WERE NOT SO, I WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU... I will come again and take you to be with me so that you, too, can be where I am.
I also found the basic "location" in which the greatest faith trees are planted. It was in the words of the song by Matthew West, "My Finest Hour."
The king of contradictions strikes again.
You said the last to cross the finish line will win.
The beggars will be millionaires someday.
And the humble ones are going to have their say.
Well, all my friends are gone now,
And all my money's gone now,
And all my pride is gone now,
And if what you say is true now—
This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
Well, everything is opposite down here.
The strong survive and the rest just disappear.
Ah, but your philosophy is more unique.
You say I'll be stronger when I'm weak.
And this will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
It's 2 AM and sleepless,
How wide awake and restless.
I don't know what my deal is.
I've never felt so helpless.
O-h-h-h-h... I need you more than ever.
No, I don't understand it,
I don't think I'll ever comprehend it.
It's so hard to conceive it.
So, I guess I'll just believe it.
This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour!
So, I live life now in one hour increments—the "finest hour" increment because I have no control—absolutely no control.
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