When I was in managerial positions, I used to hear "I owe you," frequently. Most of the time people were asking for help that didn't take long or that fell within the purview of some talent someone had that (s)he didn't mind performing. Those were petty (but meaningful to others) tasks for the most part.But, I knew instantly when someone meant, because they rarely voiced it, that I would owe them something rather magnanimous if I continued with a request for their help. The quid pro quo was more than usual. I would rather do it myself incompletely than to get into those kinds of tit for tats. And even though I have been able to avoid those kinds of exchanges, I continue to see the more than usual tradeoffs exchanged. It ranges from finding and giving information that is not known (and shouldn't be known) to sexual favors for fulfillment of ambition.
I don't know why betrayal ranks as number 1 for me on the unforgivable sin list, but it does. Unusual quid pro quos, that is, the ones that go beyond gladly getting somebody out of a small fix or gladly giving up time to help with a task, bother me severely because they are a form of betrayal. I find myself actually despising the ones who get caught up in them, thinking that I need to be a part of exposing them and causing them to move on or at least lose their grip on those who have succumbed to such exploitation. When someone lies in a situation that causes harm, I like to bring any forensic ability I have to bear on exposing and causing equivalent harm on them. But, quid pro quos are different. I see them, but am most of the time left without any means to cause a change or to expose. I am left to loathe.
I will work on turning the energy I give to loathing those who continue their quid pro quos for exploitation into more productive actions... not easy for me, but I will work on it. I need to take myself from the arena where it happens and focus on what I can productively do.
2 comments:
Last I checked the only truly unforgiveable sin was looking at Jesus when he was walking about the earth and his miracles and saying the miracles he did were from the devil. Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit he called it. As he is not now walking around doing miracles to misattribute to the Satan, no one can currently committ the unforgiveable sin. Cool. All sins are now forgiveable, even the quid pro quos you find distasteful. Letting me make this comment here, I owe you one. Grin.
I have to reflect sometimes on my behavior when I have something or someone I truly have trouble with. Such was the case last night. There is one person that has a history of big quid pro quos in a position that controls the lives of many people. I have to get myself away from loathing him. Fortunately, theologically I believe as you do. My unforgivable sin is not the same as Jesus'. But, I do not need to spend needless energy on someone I can't do anything about. If he starts lying, I can more intelligently track his betrayal, but till then, I am weaponless.
You saw a small fix you wanted to make to remind a friend of orthodoxy. No debt incurred. L-ing
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