Rules for (word) engagement

Turn-taking is one of the rules of conversation. When a conversation is a purely friendly, casual conversation. The turn-taking is fairly equal in two areas: number of turns for each conversant and number of words by each conversant. What happens when the balance is broken? If one conversant asks for something to be elaborated, then the conversation is still a friendly one, but even the elaboration would have its limits in number of words. Then the conversation returns to the balance it had before the elaboration happened. If one person is taking a dominant position in either the number of turns or the number of words, then the conversation is not friendly any longer. The person on the short end of the stick has tuned out. Interest lags, and if a convenient way of escape lies at hand, the person takes the way of escape. If not, then the person "appears" to listen, but in reality the mind's wheels are turning to get out of the conversation.

Once in a while, one comes across another who is asocialized in turn-taking. The asocialized person misses all the cues of the other conversant tuning out and really has no concept of the "rules" of turn-taking. Asocialized people are avoided like the plague. Word gets around about them. Causes for asocialization in conversation abound, but the next time you get stuck talking with such an asocialized person, just interrupt (you don't have to worry about being rude. They're asocialized remember. They wouldn't recognize rude if it bit them.) and make the way of escape for yourself. Don't wait for the person to draw breath. It is not going to happen.

I hear that women sometimes say that talking to a mate is like talking to a brick wall. That's another subject altogether. Men and women have different rules to converse by and cross-gender speech is a special field (ignored largely by psychologists). When you add intimacy to the cross-gender equation for happy talking, then it's like Einstein's theories of relativity. There's the general theory of relativity, then there's the special theory of relativity. That's a whole blog by itself. Which might be next if I can find the time.