That's cool, Gramps

One of the most interesting research studies I have been a part of was the study of intergenerational conversations.  Before that involvement, I hadn't really thought too much about how conversations happen exactly between younger and older generations.  But, the study  revealed a definite process.

Astoundingly, to me (but I admit to being a little naive on the subject), conversational skills are not learned much from parent to child.  The parent-child conversational model is one of question and answer or rhetorical questioning mostly.  Sometimes instructional conversation takes place, but not a lot of skill building for regular conversations happens.  Children see their parents model the skill by observation of their parents in conversation with their friends, but not so much from parent to child.

Thus, teenagers learn their conversational skills from their peer group.  That model of learning how to speak conversationally sets up real problems related to dating and marriage, but it is the model currently followed in the U.S. today.  But, it also sets up the need for a learning process in the laboratory of real life speaking occasions.  Teenagers, generally, expose themselves to other teenagers by choice and to people older than they are by force or by necessity.  They learn from their own, but have to learn how to talk to people outside their age group by experience.

Often, teenagers have to find by trial and error how much of their conversational patterns and vocabulary are acceptable in a more adult world.  This makes them tentative when talking to older people.  The more they talk to older people, the more they find out about vocabulary acceptance, attitudes toward certain expressions, turn-taking, and amount and types of information to give and receive.  They find that many times the experience of intergenerational conversation is a little bit taxing on their ability to communicate.  So, they have to learn to converse little by little.

My favorite conversation illustrating the truth of the process was a conversation between a grandmother and granddaughter.  The granddaughter mainly listened, at first, then the grandmother had to involve her granddaughter with leading questions.  Finally, the granddaughter began commenting on her own.  It was the consummate tutorial on intergenerational conversation.

I suppose this happens in general in life in a lot of different areas, but to actually see the evidence for what happens under the surface of conscious awareness, was a great exercise in awareness for me.  It should make me much more of a tolerant person.  I'm not sure that is the case, but it should be.