Gambling my life away

I wonder about so much. I control very little. That gives rise to all sorts of anxiety and situations that I have to live with that go against my value system. I suppose that's where trust comes in. Someone is controlling the big picture. Not controlling humans necessarily, but perhaps events to a certain degree. Of course, that is a guess and a wish on my part. But, I choose to call it a trust. I certainly would be depressed without the hope of that trust's existence. And I have to live my whole life to know for certain if I was right in gambling that the trust was true. But, I'm taking that risk. It's too bleak to think otherwise and a waste of a good investment of time and energy. So be it.