Tonight I have very strong thoughts of a cloudy, cloudy night and of a paradise lost. On one hand, someone very special offers me a song of peace from one of my favorite groups on a night overspread by thunderous clouds of rain (metaphorically speaking). On the other hand, someone so very special, with a paucity of words, leaves me standing amidst the inextinguishable flames of the abyss.
I would love to have peace tonight. Instead, I am "somewhere in the middle... somehwere between the wrong and the right, somewhere between the darkness and light... somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing of the waves, somehwere between a whisper and a roar."
I would love to look forward to joy-filled moments. Instead, I muster contentment in all things, quoting from someone else who mustered contentment in the middle of pain. In Milton's opening scene of Paradise Lost, having been cast from heaven and waking up in the fiery abyss, Satan explains his happiness at such an abject moment, "The mind is its own place. And in itself/ Can make a Heaven of Hell a Hell of Heaven./ What matter where, if I still be the same."
But, I should be seeing the reality of my current state. The Casting Crowns song should offer peace just as that someone special said: "Lord I feel you in this place and I know You're by my side/Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle."
And I should look beyond my fallen condition to not just happiness amidst pain, but to happiness from having heavenly qualities, as my special friend has pointed out. Milton offers happiness in his last book of Paradise Lost:" To whom (Adam) the angel last replied.../ Add virtue, patience, temperance: Add love/... Then wilt thou not be loathe/To leave this Paradise (earth), but shalt possess/ a Paradise within thee, happier far."
I would love to have peace tonight. Instead, I am "somewhere in the middle... somehwere between the wrong and the right, somewhere between the darkness and light... somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing of the waves, somehwere between a whisper and a roar."
I would love to look forward to joy-filled moments. Instead, I muster contentment in all things, quoting from someone else who mustered contentment in the middle of pain. In Milton's opening scene of Paradise Lost, having been cast from heaven and waking up in the fiery abyss, Satan explains his happiness at such an abject moment, "The mind is its own place. And in itself/ Can make a Heaven of Hell a Hell of Heaven./ What matter where, if I still be the same."
But, I should be seeing the reality of my current state. The Casting Crowns song should offer peace just as that someone special said: "Lord I feel you in this place and I know You're by my side/Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle."
And I should look beyond my fallen condition to not just happiness amidst pain, but to happiness from having heavenly qualities, as my special friend has pointed out. Milton offers happiness in his last book of Paradise Lost:" To whom (Adam) the angel last replied.../ Add virtue, patience, temperance: Add love/... Then wilt thou not be loathe/To leave this Paradise (earth), but shalt possess/ a Paradise within thee, happier far."
So, I take the peace that this very special person has offered and mix it with the contentment that comes even without the anticipation of truly joy-filled moments but of paradise within. Then, and only then, can I lay down my head and allow sleep to stop my heart from painful arrest.
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