The sorting aid

It's amazing to me how many people want to be your friend, but then not really.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs addresses the need of people to belong, but according to him, it happens before self-actualization.  Of course, Maslow's is just one hierarchy of needs.  There are others.  But, I like his because I think it is accurate of human behavior or at least human development on the path to self-actualization.

My simple test for those who really want to be my friend is how many of their sentences start with "well" when speaking to them.  "Well" can be considered a hesitation at best or a hostile marker at worst.  Its meaning ranges from trying to sort for common ground to being a prelude to a disagreement about a point.  It's not a hedge per se because it is not a filler or because it is not hiding anything.  It is straightforward and people don't hesitate to use it for what it is intended to show - that two people are not on the same page.

So, when people begin a statement with "Well," I know to beware.  They may seem friendly, but they're wolves in sheep's clothing.  Besides that, they will either get stuck in the need for belonging category or move on to self-actualization.  Either way, insincerity is the trademark, and people leave you high and dry, for the group they're stuck in or in realizing they can accomplish goals without you.  I love the word "well."  It sorts out my friends for me.