Just looking around

When it comes to capturing language in its natural form, you really have to be a fly on the wall in order to capture it.  I am reminded of the early work of William Labov when it comes to trying to find out what the language of the people really is.  He would go to department stores like Macy's and ask questions.  After the people he was asking left, he would record their answers.  By so doing, he captured some interesting results and made a name for himself.   Some recognize him as the father of sociolinguistics.

This last week I was eating at a restaurant I had eaten in only one other time.  I was eating alone, so I decided to notice who was at the 9 tables immediately around me.  One table had a group of 5 men having lunch.  They were all in their 70s, I would say.  Their conversation flowed rather well among the 5.  There were never any long pauses or awkward silences.  They talked of trips they had taken for the most part.  Next to their table was a couple of women.  One looked to be in her early 30s, the other in her 50s.  They also were engaged with each other for the whole time I was there.  They talked of their children and the schools they were going to.

Then, there was the young man in the corner.  He was in his mid to upper 20s,  He sat at his table alone, but he was using his phone to read material (news perhaps) and to communicate by texting.  Next to him was a table of 3 women, one of whom was deaf.  The entire time the language was in silent signing, but it went on without a break.  At the table next to mine were 3 men, one in his 40s probably, the other two were younger around 30 maybe.  They spoke of their work and the people they worked with the whole time.  There were some pauses for topic changes or extensions, but nothing awkward or lengthy.

Only one table had a mixed gender couple.  The two looked like they were husband and wife in that they seemed extremely comfortable with each other.  Silences were the order of the day for them.  It didn't seem to bother them too much.  Some of the literature on mixed gender conversations concludes that women do the conversational work in such situations.   But, at this table the woman  was equally as silent as the man.  Probably they conversed about 60 or 70% of the time.  But, they had some notable amounts of time without talking.

I wish I could sit around and observe 100 such restaurants.  Then I would write up the results.  I would bet there would be some surprises.  If I were to write my hypothesis after only one visit to the research den, however, I would say that men and women talk equally as much in same sex conversations.  The big trouble is with mixed sex talking.

I would love to see the transcript of the table conversations between men and women.  I would almost bet that the conversations derive from the personalities of the conversants and are not often guided by topics and interruptions like the literature on such conversations would have people believe.  I wish that would be true because then it would spur the psychology community to look more closely at personality and at its influence on mixed gender conversation.  I also wish that would be true because then compatibility could be more easily gauged between people and two people would have much more to say to each other.