Interaction is not simplistic

There is a particular psychologist who has been really popular among very conservative people.  He has written books, established a radio presence, and produces platitudes for posters on Facebook.  Someone used his poster quote on me not long ago to point out that an action of mine didn't fall within the parameters of his counsel.

The whole field of psychology is analogous to reverse engineering.  Sometimes we can discern what is going on in the mind, and sometimes it's not so clear.  So, when reading the research from psychologists, we have to be really careful about what its conclusions are.  It is easy to generalize from a study to a wider population, for instance, when the study was conducted with a sample that was not large enough to be representative of all people.  Or the sample in the study was one that involved only college students or selected participants by other narrow or non-random method.

The psychologist mentioned above was sensitive to these issues when he first began practicing his craft many years ago.  But, after his first couple of books and popularity from his radio program and political activism, he has developed a God complex.  He speaks as if people's actions are a result of good or bad teaching.  He should know better.  People are not computers where the saying used to be true,"Garbage in, garbage out."  That principle has so many counter-examples, it shouldn't even apply to human behavior.  People are complex.  Their personalities, experiences, and backgrounds make for thousands upon thousands of possible combinations of reactions in given circumstances.

So, when he gives advice about parenting and marriage, he shouldn't speak in terms of certainty.  Love between any two given people is dependent, not on a general morality nor on religious doctrine, but on what two people's understanding of what governs their relationship.  When that understanding has been undermined, the relationship suffers.  Its continuance is solely up to the two people to agree to continue or part ways.  When children and parents interact, discretion has to be used.  One doesn't have fast and unbreakable rules.  Parents factor in love, danger, long range goals, difference in behavior acceptable to one parent but not to the other, family traditions, region of the country, whether the child's behavior is predicted to continue, personality differences, and many, many other factors when disciplining and guiding her or his child.

I dismiss this psychologist's simplistic stance to loving someone and raising children.  He needs to revisit his roots.  I am sorry that so many people continue to put their faith in his platitudes and certainties.  People need to strive for understanding of each other in their close and intimate relationships, not basing judgments on what an unconcerned, third party says is normal, godly, or right.