Finding our paths

I asked 8 people to make a list of the three individuals that inspired them and rank the list in order of importance.  For the first of three follow-up activities, the same people were asked to explain why the person ranked number one was in that ranking.  The results were interesting.

The group consisted of 3 women and 5 men.  The three women responded with remarks showing that they had to overcome hardships stacked against them.  The men responded with answers about succeeding in the world.  These were the general themes, but their stories were different.

Woman 1 admired the life of a woman who taught her to be strong against the turbulent circumstances of life.  The woman had many problems with her husband and supervisors at work.  Both groups demanded more from her than she was able/willing to give.  So, she taught woman 1 how to survive the storms that come against a person.  Woman 2 admired a doctor she bonded with who taught her to always be prepared.  Preparing herself in this case meant education and training, even abroad.  Woman 3 was inspired by a woman who taught her to recognize her abilities so that she could use those to leverage her ambitions into a successful life.

The men fell into two groups.  The 3 men of Group 1 pointed to a mentor in their lives who showed them how to develop a craft or what to expect from life given certain behaviors.  They all admired the advice they received from these male mentors.  The 2 men of Group 2 followed the philosophy of marching to the beat of one's own drummer.  However, both of them mentioned that they had had someone, briefly in both cases, who believed in them.  This was the catalyst they had needed to believe in themselves.

All the individuals were adults ranging in age from 20 to 42.  The  mean was 27. The participants were explicitly prohibited from using parents in an attempt to eliminate sentimentalism that could have clouded the picture.   Parents are influential without a doubt, but children feel obligated to mention parents many times in place of influential others that had actually set the participant on their paths through adulthood.  Psychologically, people choose someone to listen to or be inspired by due to a need in their lives.  I have known, but ever so much more now, that youth need a voice in their heads as a source for their actions.  People, of course, move beyond the voices of mentors as they grow older and flourish in their fields of interest.  But, the seed for what young people end up flourishing in is a voice instilled in youth.

There is a great lesson here for parents.  Children no doubt hear parents' voices.  But, societies exist because individuals don't have enough impact within their own power.  There is strength in numbers.  Personalities between parents and children are many times too different to allow for influence, only support.  So, the best support a parent can give to their children is to expose their children to voices that serve as mentors or catalysts.  An adult working contentedly, competently in the field of her or his choice is a beautiful thing to see and be around.

Many of the sayings in American society center around hard work, such as "Hard work pays dividends."  While that is true to a great extent and is a safeguard against laziness, "Allow children to hear voices," is a much better saying and subsumes the idea of hard work.  I watch my daughter and granddaughter closely so that I can put them in places to hear the voices, specifically tailored to their needs and personalities, that will set them on a path to flourish the further down the adult path they travel.