Strong vision

The moment had a solemnity to it.  I was visiting one of the places where my life had been rooted.  I spent about an hour there.  But, I found myself looking around the place, and unpleasant memories filled my mind.  So much so that tears welled up in my eyes, then trickled onto my cheeks.  I wiped them away only to have second round of the same.

After those moments, tears came and went in the bottom lids of my eyes but did not leave my eyelids to stain my cheeks.  The strong vision of my son in a place that couldn't help him, that should have helped him, flooded my mind and triggered the sad wetness.  Imagining the procession to his casket caused me to short-circuit at that point.  What remained was just the feeling of sadness.

Moments like that don't happen, but then again, I was visiting one of the places where my life had been rooted.  I should have left, but I would have to have brought attention to myself by excusing myself and climbing over 4 others seated next to me.  So, I brought out my phone and begin reading from it something that I had been concentrating on earlier that day.  It helped and soon returned me to normalcy.

I didn't think I was vulnerable to that train of thinking anymore.  But, I found that I was.  I don't like working through the depths of death again.  But for a moment in time, I felt again the same chilling, hopeless feeling that I had had 13 years ago.  I'm good to go now.  My flashback moments have taught me something about myself.  I'm ready to move forward now.