No better, no worse

Sometimes I like to listen to songs that just have the same rhythm and beat that last for a good long thinking time. It allows my mind to travel wherever it wants. Occasionally, I listen to it and affirm the thoughts one at a time from an earlier thinking time.

A lot of times I will select the Phil Collins song Take Me Home. It's been around a long time and I never tire of its rhythm and beat. The words and drum beat are repetitive, but that is what my mind depends on to let it wander from thought to thought.

I have to go down paths I never wanted and tried hard to prevent, but life doesn't work like that - for anybody.

Take that look of worry, mine's an ordinary life,
Working when it's daylight and
Sleeping when it's night.

My very good friend from high school called today. We hadn't spoken in a long time, so we talked for quite a while. His life... well, I'm sure he didn't want it and tried to prevent it. He has two children that delight him, but beyond that he has really had it hard. We played basketball side by side in every game, every practice. Who would have guessed.

Take that look of worry I'm an ordinary man,
They don't tell me nothing,
So I find out what I can.

Recently, I found out that a colleague I had worked with for a little while developed cancer for the second time and in a stage way past early detection. She had already fought the battle of raising three sons by herself and been away from her family working. I am certain she tried to prevent the cancer's recurrence. She seemed focused and pleasant when we worked together. Who would have known she was just a short span of time away from her body being ravaged a second time.

Seems so long I've been waiting
Still I don't know what for
There's no point escaping
I don't worry anymore

Not long ago I found out that a friend of mine whom I had not seen in about 3 years had been taking treatments for prostate cancer and had developed dementia. The dementia has improved, but the cancer has been with him two years. He was a good friend for me because he always made me think, countering my thoughts with examples I had not thought of. He brought homemade bread to me a number of times during my son's extended illness. Who could have seen what time had in store for him.

So take me home...
Oh, I don't mind,
No, I don't mind.

I have a cousin that I get to see whenever I go to my lake place. He is raising 3 children, his grandchildren. His adopted daughter who had them has herself been down dark paths and lost the ability to raise children. So, my cousin is raising a second family. No, he didn't want to do that. It wasn't what he had in mind for his life when he was 25. Who could have told him the second half of his life would mirror the first part.

So, the extreme high of two years ago in my life that has meteorically dropped to the other extreme makes me know that I am ordinary, and that I have to find warmth from the fires that burn everywhere around me even if they scald and sear.

There's a fire that's been burning
right outside my door
I can't see, but I feel it
And it helps to keep me warm.

So, I am thankful for the warmth provided as a buffer against the cold all around it.