Judging your standing

In the 1960s, two researchers conducted a study on politeness in language. They used three languages in their research, which was seminal in the field of sociolinguistics. It was a little more obvious in French and Spanish to see the politeness patterns because of the tu/vous markers in the language. But, in English there are still ways to show politeness even though we don't have such a tu/vous marker in the language.

Because posturing is always part of a conversation, it is good to realize the underlying attitude carried in politeness. At least two ways are used in judging someone else's attitude exhibited when speaking. There is the casual/formal continuum and the deference/rapport continuum. Just as an example (and there are a great number of examples), the words yep/yeah/yes/yes ma'am or yes sir can show the two principles at work.

If you are talking with someone your own age, you would expect equality unless there is a mitigating condition. Thus, you would expect to use and for the other conversant to use the casual form of the affirmative word, yeah. If yes is used, it is a little more formal, so there must be a reason for it, such as emphasis, formality for higher position, exasperation, deference for distancing, or solid agreement. Otherwise, you would get yeah. If yes sir or yes ma'am is used then the one using it is showing politeness for one reason or another like deference to a supervisor or someone more financially well off or someone who has a degree of expertise or more knowledge than the speaker. The deference shows less solidarity. On the other end of the spectrum, if yep is used, then casual agreement is signaled, or perhaps the expected alignment marker of mostly women's speech, solidarity with the speaker, or some other bonding meaning.

Of course, if you are talking with someone a different age from you, then different semantic contexts might be in play. Regardless, the cardinal principle of communication is that words carry meaning or they wouldn't be uttered. The fields of semantics and pragmatics exist in order to more exactly identify what is being conveyed. So, the next time you are carrying on a conversation, try judging one's attitude toward you in the conversation by checking whether their language is showing casualness or formality, deference or rapport. It will allow you to know if someone is trying to be your friend or if there is distancing taking place. It's always nice to know where you really stand.